Different For Girls

"Different For Girls" by Dierks Bentley was probably released around a year and a half ago, but I kind of forgot about it ---- it isn't really a song that's worth forgetting, but with all the new country songs constantly being released, it's sometimes hard to keep track of all of the good ones ---- until I was reminded of it when I heard it on the radio the other day; I decided to add it to my country Spotify playlist (I'm not exactly sure why it wasn't on it before, but that's besides the point). Sitting in Starbucks today, it came up on my shuffle. I've never seen the music video, so I decided to look it up, and listening to the lyrics ---- this time very closely ---- I started to think waaaaaaaay too much about it (ha, because what else is new?).

To give a mini re-cap in case you don't want to watch the music video or even just listen to the song, the song talks about a couple that breaks up and the different ways that each person (the guy and the girl, because there aren't any country songs out there yet about same sex couples that I'm aware of) deals with it ----- aka the different ways that they show their emotions. It's no secret that guys and girls really do show their emotions in drastically different ways; I even wrote my Senior Thesis paper on this idea (i.e. especially when it comes to mental health and gender issues in commercials, and if you're EXTRA bored and/or interested in reading the approximately twenty page paper, I attached the PDF under where it says "Archive"). For some reason, guys have been taught that they can't show their emotions because it isn't "manly." Socially constructed gender ideals say that a man showing any emotion other than anger is a threat to his masculinity, and this a danger that no man wants to encounter.

The guy in the song follows this same line of thinking: while the girl in the song cries and is heartbroken, the guy doesn't care and isn't hurt over the break-up... or he at least acts like he doesn't care and acts like he isn't hurt. Instead, he goes to a bar with his friends to "tape [his heart] back together with a whiskey and Coke." He basically "switches off" his feelings and takes a random girl ---- a "Band-Aid" ---- home like it's "nothing" in order to try to distract himself from the girl he's trying to forget. The key here is that he acts like he doesn't care. He acts like he isn't hurt, like is isn't heart broken. So the reality is, then, as seen from the video, that the guy really does care a lot; he really is hurt ---- he really is heartbroken, which means he really does have a heart, even though he pretends like he doesn't. But why does he do this?

I'm not a guy, so obviously I don't entirely understand the risk of being labeled as "unmanly" just because I show that I'm sad, hurt, or heartbroken. However, I do understand the risk of being judged for showing your emotions, because when you show too many emotions, you're called "too sensitive." You're told you're "too much." You're told to "chill" ---- to "just relax" ---- because showing you actually give a damn about something isn't "cool." For some reason, most people in today's society are obsessed with this idea of being "cool" and doing whatever they can to be categorized as such.

But why is this such a popular idea? Why is it so cool to pretend like you don't care? Why is it so bad to show your feelings, or even just to have feelings in the first place? Why are these ideas being constantly perpetuated by apps like Tinder? Along those lines, why do apps like Tinder exist? Why does "Netflix and Chill" exist? Why do terms like "hit it and quit it", "fuckboy," and "slam piece" exist? Why does "hook-up culture" even exist?

Because people want to pretend like they don't care, that's why. People want to do (and will do, it seems) whatever they can to act like they don't have feelings. They try to act like doing some kind of "no strings attached" kind of thing would actually work out. In actuality, a "no strings attached" hook-up agreement almost never works ---- I'm sort of speaking from experience, but I'm also just drawing logical conclusions ---- because one of two things usually happen: a) one person develops feelings for the other or b) one person gets tired and sad of the other person only texting or calling them when he or she is bored or lonely; the song "Lonely Call" by RaeLynn is pretty much exactly about these fed up and hurt feelings over being, for lack of a better term, booty-called.

I sent my mom this text the other day because I was so frustrated about this idea of people, guys in particular, acting like they don't care. Moreover, I was (and still am) sick of being made to feel like my feelings are "too much," like I am too much. I am so tired of feeling like just because I care, it means I'm too sensitive. I hate that people tell me to "calm down" and to "just chill" just because I care... and maybe the problem here is that I care too much. I know I shouldn't care too much, but it's not like I can just "switch it off" like the guy in Dierks Bentley's music video is able to ---- I can't just go with the flow... I would if I could. I really do wish I could, because then maybe I wouldn't constantly feel stupid for having feelings; I wouldn't feel dumb for getting so worked up over things that everyone else seems to see as "little things."

I know it isn't just guys who act like they don't care, because there are plenty of girls out there who act like they don't care, too. There are plenty of girls walking around doing exactly what fuckboys do ---- there are plenty of girls that text guys at 2am just because they're bored, lonely, or sad and trying to distract themselves from it all. There are plenty of girls, just like guys, who will do whatever they can to try to block what they're really feeling out of their minds. There are plenty of girls who act like they really can't feel anything.

Both guys and girls act this way because of the false belief that "the best way to not get your heart broken is to pretend like you don't have one" ---- the best way to avoid getting hurt is to pretend like you really don't have feelings, like nothing bothers you. The best way to keep yourself from feeling anything to begin with is to distract yourself by any means possible, even if that means repeatedly calling or texting someone with the classic "U up?" well past midnight weekend after weekend, qualifying yourself as a "fuckperson." The best way to protect your heart is to act like a heartless asshole instead, and I know that I can't entirely be mad about that, because people really will do whatever they can to distract themselves from the fact that they're broken.

Unfortunately, I'm not like how every other person in this generation seems to be (look, okay, I'm trying really hard to accept myself as I am, but I still HATE that I'm different) and I honestly ask myself every day where in the hell I came from and if I'm so different from every other Millennial, then why I even am one in the first place... because I am incapable of doing these things; I can't act like I don't I don't have a heart, because I am constantly wearing mine on my sleeve. I can't pretend like I don't have feelings or like nothing bothers me, because you can almost always see it all over my face whenever I'm mad, sad, or upset about something ---- my face is basically an open book. I can't keep myself from feeling anything because distractions never work for me. I can't act heartless because I care way. too. damn. much.

Maybe the truth is that it isn't just different for girls... it's just completely different for me.

I wish it weren't.

xoxo,

Mag